Holding you, Holding me
by navybaby
Summary: Lj. When Lily's parents are killed by Voldy and Remus reveals to the Marauders that Lily is his cousin everything changes. Will Lily give into James? Will Sirius be torn away from Remus? Only time will tell. R & R
1. What happened to Lily?

It was Christmas at Hogwarts and all the students had gone home to spend time with their parents; afterall, with Voldemort on the rampage, it could be the last time they saw eachother. The only students who had stayed were four boys who couldn't go home. James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, otherwise known as the Marauders. These very Marauders were leaving their dormitory to sneak out for a rave in Hogsmead as they came across a great surprise that would change their lives.

"Shh!" Came from an invisible bunch of boys on the stairs to the sixth year Gryfindor boy's dorms.

"Remind me again, Prongsie, why we're hiding when we're the only students in the castle?"

"Gotta keep up appearances, if you know what I mean."

All of a sudden the boys' conversation stopped as the looked at a figure of a girl, doubled over in sobs, on the arm chair in the common room. They exchanged glances and Remus stepped out from under the cloak and walked to her.

"Lils?" he asked while putting an arm around her. "What's the matter? Why are you here?"

She leaned into him, choking down her sobs.

"He killed them, Remmy, he killed my mum and dad."

The rest of the boys, who had been listening to find out what was wrong with the normally composed prefect, took that as their cue to leave. Sirius and James started up the stairs and took no notice to Peter attempting to stay behind until he wasn't invisible.

Remus pulled the crying girl into him. "Its okay, Lily, it'll all be alright."

"No! It won't! He killed them while Petunia and I were at the store, shopping for Christmas dinner. We came home and it was so quite, but I could see it in the window. The dark mark was floating in the living room and I knew what had happened. I knew he had come for me but took them instead."

She broke into uncontrolled sobs and clung to his robes tighter than she had been before. He subconsciously patted her hair and placed kisses on her head until she calmed enough to talk more.

"Now Petunia hates me. She's planning the funeral with her fiancé, Vernon, and I'm not invited. They won't even tell me when or where the funeral is. I can't even say a proper good-bye to my own parents!"

Remus stroked her hair some more and started rubbing small circles on her back, whispering comforting words in her ear. She fell asleep in his arms and he slowly and gently picked her up and carried her up the stairs to his dormitory.

James opened the door for him as though he'd expected them coming. Remus shot him a quizzical look while laying Lily on his bed. James held up the Marauder's Map as to explain everything. All he got was a nod in return, because the other boy was covering up the fragile girl on his bed and kissing her forehead. He closed the curtains around his bed and walked over to the other boys.

They sat on the floor in front of James' bed (noticeable with the lovely Quiditch sheets and quilt on it) for what seemed like ages. Finally, Sirius broke the silence.

"Remus?" Remus looked at him in acknowledgement, "When did you get so close to Evans? She won't talk to any of us but yet she told you what made her heart break in two."

He sighed. "Well, I guess now it doesn't matter. Its not like we were hiding it or anything, we just didn't feel the need for it to get around. Lily and I are cousins. We grew up together and were always really close. I guess we grew apart when we made friends here. She was hurt, when you guys put her down on the train, and she didn't want to force me to chose between family and friends so she made her own friends and we didn't talk much. We still spent summers together, though."

The boys did something then that they normally wouldn't do. They hugged Remus. Remus hugged back and stood up.

"If you'll excuse me, I have a firecall to make."

They nodded and Remus walked downstairs and grabbed floo powder. He tossed it in the flames.

"Petunia!" He said in a very dangerous voice. Petunia's head appeared, frightened, in the fireplace.

"What do you want, freak?"

"You are to let me know what Auntie Rose and Uncle Gerald's funeral is. I will be escorting Lily and if there are any objections, you'll find yourself unable to keep Vernon's attention with buck teeth, bushy eyebrows and irreversible, puke green hair."

Petunia, looking horrified, then scrunched up her face. "Fine. But you better not act like freaks. I'll _owl_ it to you tomorrow."

Remus nodded and dismissed her. Then he joined the others in his dorm.

Lily had started whimpering shortly after Remus left the room. It had gotten really bad, so James undid the curtains and sat next to her, drawing her close and whispering calming words to her. She stopped almost immediately, and snuggled closer to him. Eventually, James fell asleep with her snuggling him. He wasn't use to falling asleep without the flutter of golden snitches across his body, but having her lying with him was so… comfortable and right that he didn't think twice and let himself fall asleep with his head resting on hers.

Remus looked at them once before looking around the room. Peter was snoring in his bed already and Sirius motioned for him to join in his bed. They had started a relationship about three months ago but kept it on the down low. Tonight, they would sleep together and risk the chances of being discovered in the morning. Remus snuggled into his lover and let the tears fall. Sirius just held him close and kissed him. They fell asleep like that.


	2. The painful tales of the Marauders

Morning came and the first out of bed were Sirius and Remus, who awoke to the others brilliant smile and some kisses. Then they woke up Peter, who took ten minutes to be persuaded that it was indeed Christmas morning. Remus then went to wake James, who, during the night, had wrapped Lily in his arms and gotten their legs tangled. James was reluctant to get up but very gently removed himself from Lily and went to join the boys.

Remus gave James a small glare before getting on with his little speech. "Well then.. We need to know what to do when Lily wakes up. I know her very well so I can safely say she won't want to be up before 11 because its Christmas, so we have two hours to decide."

Sirius was the first to speak up. "Well… Moony, we don't exactly do Lily Evans. I mean, she's your cousin and all, but what are we supposed to do? She won't want to be around us."

Peter chimed in next. "Well, Sirius, she might be our friend if you hadn't asked her out and then cheated on her for a guy."

Sirius threw a pillow at Peter then charmed it to hit him until he decided Peter had enough.

"Guys…" James began, "maybe she needs to feel like she isn't alone. I mean, she knows about your parents, Moony, but she doesn't know about ours." Remus nodded in agreement and James went on. "I think we should tell her about what he did to our parents and tell her she's welcome to stay with us and we'd love to let her cry to us."

They all agreed and began throwing presents at each other when Lily began to cry in her sleep. Remus went over and gently woke her up and held her close. When she calmed down he led her to the other boys and began to talk.

"Lils, I know that we're not your favorite group of people. Hell, I'm not even sure you'd associate with me if I weren't your cousin…" ("YES I WOULD!") He laughed. "But, we are the only ones here, and we'll be the only ones you can talk to for a while. So, we might as well break the ice and explain some stuff."

James took over from there. "You aren't the only one here who was hurt by Voldemort. You already know about Remus, seeing as you're his cousin, but what about the rest of us? Do you know how we've been hurt by him?" She shook her head/ "Thought so… sigh My parents… My parents are aurorers. My dad was assigned to a group who were taking out death eaters during their raids last Christmas. He was fighting off two older ones when Severus Snape crept behind him and muttered the killing curse. My dad died at the hands of a Voldemort controlled Snape.

My mum… she used to be beautiful and happy. She had a spirit that couldn't be rivaled. She loved it when Sirius and I would come home and play pranks because she found them hilarious. After my dad died though.. She became empty. There's nothing left to her. She doesn't even notice me anymore. That's why I'm here this Christmas."

Lily looked at James, eyes glazed with tears, and leaned over to hug him. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I never knew."

Sirius took the next opportunity. "My parents weren't killed or anything. Not that I'd care. But my family has always been very pure blood oriented. My brother, Regalus, joined the death eaters. He was killed at the hands of Voldemort. I was told every day how he was a better son then me and then when I wasn't all sad because he died I got it so bad I left. I live with James now so his parents are pretty much my parents so I suffered too when his dad died."

Lily hugged him too.

Peter squeaked next. "My mum was a muggle and left after she found out my dad and I were wizards. He who must not be named killed her last summer while I was at James' house."

Lily forced herself to hug him too. She leaned back against the bed behind her (coincidentally James' bed) and a few tears slipped down her cheeks.

"He killed my parents in an attempt to kill me." This caught the boys by surprise. "For the past year now, I've been receiving visions in my dreams. Not crackpot visions like our Divination teacher has. Real ones that worry Dumbledore. I'm supposed to have a baby about two years after graduation. He's supposed to be the one with power to kill the dark lord. Voldemort is gonna come and kill the one I marry and then kill me in an attempt to kill the baby. I wake up after that. I don't know the rest of what happens.. I wake up after I die. But Voldemort knows I'm gonna have the kid so he wants to kill me before I have the chance.

I walked into my front room and saw them. They were both on the floor with expressions of terror on their faces. The mark was floating above them and I fell to my knees and cried. Petunia… my sister… was in hysterics by the time the Ministry officials showed up. After they left, the female aurorer… I think it was your mom, James… she waited for me to come so I could be escorted back to school. Petunia told me that I was a freak and I wasn't going to be informed of my parents funeral and that their death was all my fault. I broke down crying again and had to be carried here."

Lily started to break down crying again and before Remus could touch her, James had his arm around her and let her cry into him. She finally calmed down and they told her she could stay with them as long as she needed and they were there for her.

"Well… I am hungry. Lets get food!"

They all laughed and went to the kitchens to get some food. Lily barely noticed the trouble in James' eyes, but when she did she made a note to talk to him about it later. They ate and went to the tower to open presents and have hot chocolate. They even went outside to play quiditch for a while. Around ten they all went to bed, Lily with Remus and Sirius seriously disappointed (yes, pun intended, even if it is sucky). After Remus fell asleep, Lily slid out of bed and slipped into James' bed.

"What the—"

She covered his mouth with her hands and cast a silencing charm on the curtains.

"I want to know what you were thinking about all of today. And don't you dare deny anything James Harold Potter. I saw it in your eyes."

He sighed. "I wish I could tell you, Lily, I wish I could. But I can't and your going to have to leave it at that."

He rolled over and pretended to go to sleep. Lily just stayed there until she began to doze off. He pulled her down and held her close while she slept so they would both have a good night's sleep.


	3. Some serious changes on Lily's part

The next morning Lily woke before every one else. She knew she had fallen asleep with James, so waking up in his arms wasn't a big deal. She slowly maneuvered herself out, and snuck into the boys' lavatory. She pulled out one of the drawers that the guys had put her stuff in and grabbed a pair of scissors. _"What to do, what to do…"_ She thought as she took the blades to her hair. She started cutting and the end result was bangs in the front and spiky hair in the back (she charmed it to spike for 8 hours). Then she pulled out a needle and pierced her ears a few times (both lobes and two in the cartilage in the left ear, one in the right)

She could hear the boys starting to wake up so she quickly locked the door and put up a silencing charm. "_Am I sure I want to do this? YES! Well then, here goes nothing…" _She brought her wand to her left shoulder blade and muttered an incantation. There were three flowers entwined in a circle, magically tattooed on her back. _"A rose for mum, a petunia for Petunia and a lily for me!"_ She eyed her work with satisfaction and decided to just walk out the door like that, with her shirt off to reveal a green lace bra and in a pair of boxers.

As the door opened one of the boys muttered an "its about time Lily" but quickly shut up when he saw her. The boys stood there in shock as she laughed and made her way into the middle of the room.

"Any one got a pair of boxers I can sleep in tonight?" she said seductively while spinning around.

Sirius' POV

Oh my god she's so fucking hot. I want to take her right now and rip those boxers off and start by sliding my fingers into her pussy and licking her clit. And then when she starts begging for more I'll slide my cock in and start banging her like there's no tomorrow. Man, I bet she'll be as wild as Moony is. Wait, MOONY? Oh no! I'm thinking about doing his cousin. He still doesn't know I'm bi! Hm.. When he finds out I wonder if he'll be interested in a three sum… Oh yah. Boxers. I could give her a pair, but I'd rather she go without….

Peter's POV

So that's what a girl looks like under her shirt. She's so purdy… Hey… why is my thngy getting hard? Oh well. I'll just keep drooling over her. Oh yah… What are boxers?

(A/N: I don't like Peter. Stupid sniveling worthless back stabbing piece of shit!)

Remus' POV

Oh no! Why did she have to come out dressed like that! And why did she have to ask that when she knows she can wear mine. I'll never hear the end of this from the guys. Jeez! And Sirius is staring at her too! Stop it boy! Sit! You're MINE!

And FINALLY, James' POV

Wow. She's gorgeous. I mean, her body goes along with her personality. Beautiful and perfect. And curves in all the right places. I just want to take her and lay her down on my bed, kissing every part of her body, and ravish her. I would suck on those nipples, that you can see through that bra, and rub her clit. Then I'd slide my tongue down her body and eat her out. And, if she was ready for it, I'd take her. But it wouldn't be quick; it would be slow and… perfect… for us… Oh! She wants boxers!

Third person again!

James leaned over and pulled out some boxers from his trunk.

"Here! You can wear these." He tossed them to her and she giggled. They were SNITCH boxers.

Remus retreated to his bed and closed his curtains. Sirius, trying to regain his composure, went to the lavatory to jerk off before he raped Lily. James went to his bed and pulled the curtains, to jerk off too, because Sirius was in the lavatory. Peter went to the kitchens because his fat ass was hungry.

Lily walked over to James' bed and slid in. He had his hand in his boxers and was stroking himself when he saw Lily and pulled his hand out with a jerk.

"What… What are you doing in my bed, again?"

Lily laughed and leaned over so she could whisper in his ear. "Are you thinking of me while you touch yourself?" she started to run her finger along his chest. "Do you imagine us in the shower? Or maybe we're in the lake? Or are you just imagining my lying on your bed while you pound me tomorrow?"

With that James gave an involuntary lurch forward as he cummed to her voice. She laughed and reached over him to grab a shirt.

"I just '_came'_ for my shirt, Jamsie boy! Never expected you to be doing that. Now if you'll excuse me.."

Lily left his bed and walked to Remus' to get changed, leaving James in a very… '_sticky'_ situation.


	4. Caught!

**Authors note**: Hey readers! Thank you for your time and reviews. This version hasn't hit my beta reader yet because it took so long for me to get it finished, but I am gonna replace it as soon as she emails me back. Also, sorry for not having it up sooner. I have had the worst week and no time to write. I'm sorry! I love you guys! Thanks again for your time. And now, answers to reviewers and then you'll get the story.

**greengirl:**I'm glad you liked it. I really meant for it to have a funny edge to it with all the seriousness it contains. I hope you like this chapter too!

**Emilyp**: Thank you for letting me know you liked it. If there's anything you don't like, let me know asap! Thanks for your time!

**Shadowrayne**: Another one thinks its funny! Yay! I hope you like the funniness of Sirius' and Remus' situation at the end of this chapter.

**Monai**: Yes, Peter is a sniveling piece of shit. I hope to portray him as that in all my stories because he pisses me off to no end. Definite go Lily on my side too, she's a fave. character of mine.

**Chapter 4: Caught!**

The Marauders and Lily walked into the Great Hall later that morning for breakfast with tension between the group. None of them could look Lily in the eye and James was walking as far away from her as he could. Remus was with James avoiding his cousin and lover. Peter was pathetically walking by Lily, attempting to get in her good books while Sirius was enchanting the mistletoe in the castle to dance.

As they sat down for breakfast, an owl swooped in and dropped a letter on Remus' plate. He opened it to find a short letter from Petunia. It wasn't even a letter, really, just two sentences:

"Funeral is at noon tomorrow. If flooing arrive by ten."

Lily looked over at the parchment and tears started to form in her eyes.

"I can't do it Remus; I can't go just yet. Its too hard to think about going to their funeral when they shouldn't be dead."

She stood and ran from the hall. James automatically got up to follow her, pulling the Marauders' Map out of his pocket and following the Lily dot to the Head's bathroom. By the time he got there, Lily had a razor out and was cutting herself as he walked in. It was hard for him to take in the sight in front of him.

There was the girl he loved, in his T-shirt and Remus' jeans, tears cascading down her face and a razor in her hand causing blood to flow down her arms. She looked at him when she heard a sharp intake of break. He looked ready to cry as he walked over and took the razor out of her hands. He put his finger under her chin and guided her eyes to his.

"Lily, talk to me. I need to know what you're feeling."

She sniffled and choked a sob.

"Remember the first day we met?" He nodded. "It was in Diagon Alley. You ran into me while chasing Peter. My mum helped me up while you kept apologizing. Then your mum came over and introduced herself, apologize for you and started talking to my mum. They talked for what seemed like ages. Then, she told my mum about Voldemort. Mum was so worried about me. She almost didn't let me go. Then you promised to take care of me." Lily smiled a small smile at that and her tears stopped for a moment.

"You still take care of me to this day, but it was my parents who needed that protection, and I wasn't there to give it to them.'

James put his arms around her and pulled her close. "It isn't your fault Lily, the man is a lunatic. He's a half-breed and he believes that all muggles and muggle-borns should die because his dad hated wizards. Your parents and you didn't do anything to deserve what happened. So don't blame yourself."

Lily nodded into his chest. "Its so much easier said than done, James."

"I know Lily, I know. But lets get you cleaned up. I promise to go to the funeral with you and protect you from your sister and every one else, okay?"

Lily nodded and lifted her arms, signifying she wanted him to undress her. His breath hitched as he pulled her top off and saw her creamy white skin again. He undid her bra clasp and she leaned forward to drop it off. Then he undid her pants button and slid them off her. She hadn't had any of her clothes with her when she came back from her parents, so she didn't have any underwear on and, if possible, he became harder than he had ever been before.

They turned the bath on and he gently placed her in it while muttering a charm to keep it warm. She motioned for him to bathe her and he had to calm his breathing before speaking up.

"Lily, if I do that I won't be able to control myself. You've already got me rock hard and I want to take you here and now but it wouldn't be right."

She nodded. "Okay, but will you put some towels out and my clothes next to them? I have some clothes in my closet in here that I should be able to wear."

He nodded and did as she asked. Then he told her he'd meet her in front of the portrait, but if she wasn't out in ten minutes tops he'd come in and get her. Then he stood outside the portrait and tried to gain his composure. It wasn't everyday he got to see Lily Evans naked, and it wasn't every day that he could control himself enough to do what he had just done. But one thing was for sure; when he got back to his dorm he was going to have to masturbate for a long time.

After Lily had left Remus talked to Dumbledore about leaving for the funeral. He said it would be fine and then the boys went to their dorm to wait for Lily and James. Peter went to the library to finish some homework and left Remus and Sirius alone. As soon as they got to their dorms Sirius pounced on his lover.

Remus pulled him into a kiss and they couldn't control their hormones. Sirius muttered a spell to remove their clothes and started to go down on his mate. When he felt Remus getting ready to cum, he pulled away and started to insert fingers into him. That was when they heard a slight scream and two people quickly turning around and leaving, shutting the door behind them. Remus quickly sat up and started getting his clothes on. Sirius did the same. The only thing on both their minds was "Oh shit, we're caught!"


	5. Kisses and Fights

James walked Lily back to the boys dorm to tell Remus of the plans for him to go as well. They walked in an uncomfortable silence and both of them were thinking about what had just happened by the time they reached the door. As James reached for the door Lily kissed him. It took Him by surprise and he kissed back. After a few minutes, James pulled away and whispered to her "We'll go in the dorm so we won't be disturbed."

When they opened the door they were surprised to see Sirius inserting fingers into Remus and both of them looking like they were about to fuck. Lily slightly screamed in horror (remember now, Remmy is her cousin. Who needs to see their cousin doing that?) and James covered her mouth and turned them both around, closing the door. He led them both into the common room and they just sat there, contemplating what they just saw.

"Well," James began. "its safe to say I saw them getting together, but I never thought they'd do that right there where any one could walk in."

Lily nodded. "James, I think I'm traumatized."

He slid his arm around her. "Me too, Lily, me too."

BACK IN THE DORM!

Remus had gotten his clothes on and was watching his lover slide his pants on while feeling afraid.

"What are we gonna tell them, Siri?"

Sirius pulled his shirt on and walked over to his mate. He slid a finger under his chin and looked into his eyes. "How about the truth, love?"

Remus fidgeted and glanced down, afraid. Sirius took that the wrong way and walked away.

"So I guess I meant nothing to you then? I was just some one to release your hormones onto? I thought it was different, Remus. I thought you loved me."

Remus flinched at the harsh words. "No, I wasn't using you Sirius. I'm just afraid. What if they don't accept me? I'm feeling the same way I was about hiding being a werewolf. I don't want to lose the rest of them."

'But we found out you were a werewolf and were here for you. We became illegal animagi for you!"

Remus sighed in defeat. "You're right, mate. We should just tell them and hope for the best."

Sirius smiled triumphantly. "Of course I'm right. And you love me for it."

His mate playfully punched him. "You're right. I do love you for it."

"I love you too, Remmy."

They intertwined fingers and walked down stairs to the common room to face the couple that interrupted them. They looked surprised to see it was Lily and James and that they were holding each other close and cuddling. Upon hearing their friends enter the room James stood up.

"I have only one thing to say to the two of you, and I think I speak for Lily as well when I say this."

The lovers gulped. What was he going to say?

_Hehehe. Should I leave this a cliffy? I think I shall!_

_ENJOY MY PRETTIES!_


	6. filthy little traitor

Chappy 5

"I have never and will never be a homophobe. It took you guys long enough to get together but do my one favor?" James said.

The two let out breaths they didn't realize they had been holding. "Anything James!"

James put on a slightly amused expression "If you two are going to do that in the dorms, put up a sign for us not to enter or something. And DON'T do it near my bed!"

They all laughed really hard and James leaned in to kiss Lily.

"So are you two a couple now?" Sirius asked.

They exchanged glances as if holding a conversation with their eyes. James didn't say anything and Lily spoke up.

"Yes, I believe we are."

James let out a "yess!" under his breath and Lily smacked him. "What'd I do, Lils?"

"What do you think you did?"

"I didn't do anything!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Ha! Got ya!"

"Damnit..."

Sirius and Remus exchanged knowing glances and watched as the newest couple got into a tickle fight and Lily kissed James to throw him off guard so she could win. Just then Peter came through the portrait hole with sweets in his arms.

"Hey guys!" He then caught on to the sight in front of him (Lil and Jamsie kissing) and asked "What'd I miss?"

"I'll let you take this one, Moony." Sirius said and they others nodded.

"Lil and James hooked up and are acting like and old married couple." This earned him a pillow hitting him in the back of the head. "And Sirius and I have just announced that we're together."

Peter's smile disappeared. "You're joking right?"

Sirius shook his head. "Nope, Petey-boy. We've been together in secret for ages now."

Peter looked disgusted. "That isn't right. Men should be with women. You guys are freaks."

James stood up to this one. "No, Pete. It isn't. Some one with so as much fat as you have is disgusting. A couple like Remus and Sirius is perfect. Gay couples are just as right as heterosexual couples."

Peter became extremely pissed. "No, they're disgusting. I can't believe you're with them, James. What's wrong with you? Oh fuck this. I'm leaving. Don't bother talking to me."

"We won't!" Lily hollered as he slammed the portrait closed. She flipped him off as he walked away too.

James put his arm around her as they all sat down together, very pissed at Peter.

"Oh hey Rems," Lily began, "James is coming with me to the funeral tomorrow. Would you like to bring Sirius?"

Remus nodded. Sirius put his arms around Remus, knowing how upset he was inside about the whole funeral situation (damned Petunia she's such a bitch.). They all just sat back and relaxed, Lily falling asleep in James' arms first, then James falling asleep. Remus and Sirius went back upstairs to finish what they had started, this time locking the door and casting silencing charms. Peter didn't come back that night. No one really cared though. The four had peaceful dreams and didn't think of their backstabbing friend at all.

FOLLOWING PETER

Peter slipped behind the statue of the one eyed witch and snuck into Hogsmead where he could apparate to the death eater meeting that night. He transfigured his robes to be appropriate and appeared at the foot of the dark lord, kissing his robes and standing next to his fellow death eaters.

"Wormtail," Voldemort said, causing Peter to jump. "What information have you gathered for us about your little friends?"

Peter kneeled down and started talking shakily. "The filthy little mudblood has started dating Potter. The werewolf and the dog are dating as well."

"It has begun now. We must plot the death of Potter and Evans. Wormtail, are you able to get more information for my next meeting?"

Peter flinched, knowing he was going to be punished. "No my Lord. I am afraid that they have turned their backs on me as of now and will not speak to me for weeks."

"You know the punishment for this, do you not Wormtail?" he nodded. "Good. CRUCIO!"

Peter's body sprawled out in pain. His screams rang through out the hall they were meeting in. After deciding he'd felt enough, Voldemort threw him into a wall, where he was left in a bloody ball on the floor as the other disapparated.


End file.
